A Cat Therapy Anniversary coming up …
I am still that girl. The one who (hardly)ever gets sick. I like to juggle balls like a pro and generally dance through life. And yes, I do still love parties and gatherings and living life to the full. I remain one of those annoying optimists, who preach positive thinking around every corner. I am the same but different …
Four years ago, I received a surprise Birthday present. When I opened this particular one my first thought was to return it. A dance with the big C was certainly not on my radar. It couldn’t have been meant for me.
What happened next is emblazoned in my memory. I relive this scene more often than I like to admit …
Any minute the gentle woman across the desk would realise that she’d made a mistake. She had the wrong file in front of her. It was probably the next patient’s. The doctor held eye contact long enough for me to absorb what she was saying. A scan, biopsy, decisions about the way forward. My mind went into a speed wobble. It wasn’t me. She was talking about someone else. “Do you have any questions?” she asked. I fiddled with my bag as I tried to think of something vaguely intelligent. “No. At least not yet.”
The next few days went by in a blur of examinations. On Wednesday 7 August 2019, my journey was made clear. The big C had appeared in my life. I bargained with God to let me take the other fork in the road. I promised that I’d learn all the lessons he wanted me to anyway. It wasn’t necessary for me to go that way. But it was not to be. I was already walking it. “Where are you now, Guardian Angels?” I sulked. I suppose I’m not much fun to protect when I’m throwing a tantrum. I’m hoping they’ll be back as soon as I’ve calmed down.
This turned out to be one of those play-it-by-ear trips. I had no idea what to expect, so it had to be seat-of-the-pants stuff. My daughter helped me with the practicalities: New pink walking shoes, cuddly pjs, and loads of good books. Lots of time ahead to mull over my life and admit a few things to my loved ones: Pink really is my favourite colour. I’m not as brave as I pretend to be. I have white coat syndrome, no matter how nice the doctor is. I do believe in miracles, and I do talk to God.
The tunnel was long and dark, but I kept focusing on the light at the end of it, even if it was sometimes only in my mind’s eye as I crawled along. I asked my loved ones to keep shining the torch so that I could make my way towards it. Oh, and to have some bubbly on ice for when I emerged.
Four years on and I am preparing to celebrate my birthday in The Kruger Park. When I look back at this journey, I know that I couldn’t have managed without your support. Your love meant more than you can possibly imagine. I shall be forever grateful for the immeasurable ways you all helped me through.
Now, my hand is stretched out to you. Please take it whenever you need it. Life’s journeys are unpredictable. I am here … and Archie and the bubbly are waiting.
